10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For The Husband

Pregnancy is… weird.

Sure it’s beautiful, cool, entertaining and overall MIND BLOWING, but really, this whole growing a baby thing is just sometimes weird.

Last week we talked bout the 10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For the General Public. And now, we move onto another very important demographic in the preggo process… The dear husbands.

If you have had a baby, are currently pregnant, know someone who is pregnant or especially if you are a husband of a pregnant gal, this post is for you. Feel free to share, and please comment below with your OWN “commandments” for being pregnant <or dealing gracefully with a pregnant woman. Creativity encouraged.>

(By the way: My hubby and I kind of co-wrote the following from our first pregnancy about four years ago– some of them are from our experience, while others are inside jokes we wanted to share with you. Sense of humor is vital!)

Ready? And now, we proudly present in no particular order, The 10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For the Husband.


1. Thou shalt not eat the last of your wife’s “pregnancy food.” This includes all items purchased during a “craving” moment… just because the craving has passed for now, don’t assume it won’t come back. It also includes all “easy meals,” leftovers and anything involving chocolate. When in doubt, ask permission. Otherwise (in my husband’s words) your wife “may destroy you.”

2. Thou shalt prepare thyself for her hormonal mood swings. Know that she can go from sweet and darling one minute to hysterical over something seemingly small the next. (Like not having any soy sauce in the house after a cross-country military move. #AskMeHowIKnow)  Oh. And never, EVER laugh at these changes, no matter how random/entertaining/goofy they might seem.

3. Thou shalt never refer to her as any kind of bovine– aka, milk cow.  It doesn’t matter if she gives you play-by-play of her changing body, her yearnings to drink more milk and the idea that she will soon potentially be able to produce milk to feed a tiny child. Even if, on a good-humored day, you recall that she DID teach you a cheer she learned at Universal Cheerleading Camp in high school, all about milk: “Don’t gimme no pop, no pop, don’t gimme no tea, no tea, just gimme that milk, moo, moo, moo, moo, just gimme that milk, moo, moo, moo, moo.” If you value your life/sanity/appendages, just no.

4. Thou shalt be enthusiastic about week-by-week updates of the baby’s growth. Yes, even if you have to fake it a little bit. “Wow, honey! Week 22!! Our baby’s eyelids are fully developed AND it’s the size of a spaghetti squash! Cool!” (It does not matter if you do not know what a spaghetti squash is. Google it. #FakeItTilYouMakeIt)

5. Thou shalt be interested in all things baby. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand the difference between an Exersaucer or a walker or a Pack-N-Play. Engage. Participate. Even if you have to feign interest. Your wife will LOVE you for it! (See commandment #4.)

6. Thou shalt not brag about how great you feel, how much weight you lost, or how well you slept. Chances are, she doesn’t feel great, she weighs more than she has in previous seasons of life, and she is not sleeping well. Instead of her being overjoyed for you, it will probably activate commandment #2.

7. Thou shalt not make a huge deal about the awesome foods you are eating or how much you ate of it. Avoid talking about how great that bratwurst at Oktoberfest tasted or how refreshing your homemade beer was as it sloshed down your throat. If you ignore this commandment, you risk being shanked, cried to,  or having your shoes puked on.

8. Thou shalt never utter the following phrases: “Calm DOWN, wife.” or “Wow, you are getting SO HUGE!” or “It’s all in your head.” Self explanatory. (And besides, as a meme on Facebook so wisely said: Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.)

9. Thou shalt be aware of your “smells” and keep them to a minimum. Keep in mind that a whiff of your smelly army work boots or you noshing on your favorite Limburger cheese could send your wife running to the bathroom… And then running after you when she gets done.

10. Thou shalt support and pray with (and for) your wife regularly. Pregnancy is exciting, confusing, emotional and yes, even a little scary. Always be willing to take ahold of your wife’s hand or stroke her hair and say, “Let’s pray about this, sweetheart.” Always point her back to Christ in moments of emotions, fear or doubt. After all– you both have been invited to participate in the coolest Jesus arts and craft project ever… TOGETHER, as husband and wife.

“May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!” ~Proverbs 23:25

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