Even Though…

God’s plan is perfect… Even though it can hurt like hell.

Last Wednesday, we lost the baby.

This is something I would not wish on anyone. I have never experienced so many emotions coupled with shock, denial and utter exhaustion in my entire life.

God’s ways are always good… Even though we don’t understand.

I finally got a chance to tell my husband about our loss on Friday, at which point he decided to come home from Ranger school… A decision for which I could not be more grateful. I have never loved him more.

We can always trust fully in God… Even though it takes every last ounce of our strength.

It’s only been a few days, but already I feel like I could write an entire book about this heart-wrenching experience. But today, I rejoice in the fact that God has been alongside us, every step of the way.

God is always with us and never forsakes… Even though our vision might be clouded by tears.

As I lay by myself staring at the white ceiling in the emergency room last Wednesday, God was with me. I could feel Him. While I could barely remember my husband’s middle name or my phone number, God continued to remind me of His everlasting word.

God’s words are true and everlasting… Even though they can sometimes seem impossible to embrace.

It didn’t matter if I was between sobs or gasping for breath as I cried… His words kept coming to mind… words such as Romans 12:15– “Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.” Or 2 Corinthians 1 as he is the God of all Comfort. And especially Habakkuk 3:17-18:

Even though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
Even though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
Even though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, 
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

God never gives us more than we can bear… Even though it can feel as if the weight of the world is crushing our heart.

Over the last few days, God has kept showing up, some moments more clearly than others. He showed up when in the form of the family members that listened to me sob on the other end of the phone. Or  in the form of the friends that stopped by to check in and make sure I was eating. Or the fact that the nurse that was with me on Wednesday turned out to be an ordained minister. And God is with us now through  the literal hundreds of people that are praying for us.

There is nothing greater than God’s grace… Even though the current trial seems impossible to handle.

My beloved Brandon and I’s hearts are broken… but we take great solace in the fact that our little Baby Angel is safe in the arms of Jesus. What a lucky, lucky little baby.

So… Even though our nursery will remain as our office for a while longer, and even though the baby gifts will remain hidden in the corner of a closet, and even though we won’t hold that little one in our arms until we reach heaven’s gate… yet we WILL rejoice in the Lord, we will be joyful in God our Savior.

Thankful for the other side of the “Even Thoughs,”

SGK

 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” –Matthew 5:4

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Comments

  1. My heart is breaking for you. Lots and lots of prayers.

    Brittani

  2. I am so sorry that you are going through this, Sharita. I couldn’t imagine what kind of pain you and your husband are going through. Praise God for showing you his presence through, what I’m sure, was one of the most horrible experiences of your life. We’re keeping you in our prayers!

  3. I was heartbroken when I found out what had happened. Know that you are loved and that God is gonna get you through this:)

  4. kelliwommack says:

    God is shining through you, Sharita. Your gut level honesty will inspire others. Your strong faith will lead others. Your walk with God EVEN THOUGH will lift others. I love you, friend and I am praying for you and Brandon. Moment by moment.

    Baby Clove…you will always be remembered. Aunt Kelli can’t wait to meet you in heaven.

    • No words to respond to this one Kelli– Thank you so much for being there with us through this process. YOU are a blessing to us daily!

  5. I just want to hug you and your husband )o:
    Thank you for your honesty … and your strength has humbled me today.
    Right now I have no words ~ I pray for you all.
    (o: Have you read Holley Gerth’s “Rain on me” book? I think you would appreciate it. (o:
    Blessings and sunshine to you Sharita (o:

  6. Carol Osterstock says:

    Sharita,
    I cry with you at the loss of your little angel. I also have a little baby in heaven I haven’t met yet. The pain never goes away, but God is faithful and time is short till we meet again in heaven. I love you even though I don’t know you well. I will be praying for you and your hubby.
    Aunt Carol

    • Thanks so much Aunt Carol. Oh what a joyous reunion it will be! I take solace knowing that Baby Klove is being rocked by Grandma Neva as she wears her big red hat… and feeds her okra 🙂

  7. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Although I have not personally gone through this, a very close cousin of mine did. And the best things about it now is that she has two beautiful kids! You are a mother and you will be blessed with a baby soon enough! I always have people telling me god has a plan. And he has an amazing plan for you! You are an amazing person and when the time is right, you will make an amazing mom. You guys are great people. Keep your head up!

    Much love to you both!

    Love always,

    Amber T.

    • Thanks a million, Amber. I look forward to being an earthly mom someday– and rejoice that I am already a mama to a baby in heaven!

  8. Jenny Schooler says:

    Sharita –
    I have no words of wisdom or comfort that I feel appropriate, except, I’m sorry.

  9. Kathy LaCross says:

    Shariat,
    I’m sooooooo sorry for your loss. I have a baby in heaven as well and I can’t wait to meet him/her and the loss of that child brought me closer to God and now 13 years later I can finally see some blessings…..when I lost my baby they discovered cancer on my cervix which I survived and went on to be rewarded with my firstborn daughter on my birthday even tho the doctors said I would never be able to have children. But my faith remained strong and 3 children later I’m cancer free and have proven to the doctors that my God is bigger than their diagnosis. My faith has gotten me through some of the roughest times and God has always seen me through. I will prayer for you.

  10. Sharita, I can’t imagine what this must feel like. I am so sorry and heartbroken for you. I know the joy of pregnancy and childbirth and know that God will bless you and Brandon again when He is ready. y’all are in our thoughts and prayers!

  11. Strange are the worries in the back of our minds, but they give no comfort. I am glad for you that Brandon came home. Thinking and praying for BOTH of you. We are on spring break, call in the middle of the day or middle of the night if you want to.

    • Thanks so much, Cheesy Mollusk 🙂 I am beyond thankful that Brandon came home as well. It’s been a crazy few weeks, but God really does know what He is doing! Love you!

  12. Sharita, there are no words. Praying for God’s peace, presence, comfort and supernatural strength. Mourning with you…

    • Thank you for the prayers, Shannon… So thankful that God created us to live in community with one another and bear each other’s burdens. He has shown himself so amazingly in the last few days.

  13. kimahall says:

    I can’t imagine the depth of your heartbreak, and am so sorry for your loss. When we experience the hurricanes in our lives, we are given a choice to let go out of despair or to cling ever tighter to Him. I am praying for you and am so glad He is there when life looks so very dark.

    • Yes, we are in something of a storm, but God has prepared our house– plenty of boarded windows and canned goods in the form of His love and guidance. He is our light and in that we rejoice. Thanks for the prayers, Kim.

  14. Laura Rath says:

    Sharita,
    I’ve been where you are and I know the range of emotions. I understand the pain and lack of understanding, even while knowing God’s plans are perfect. He never left me and He won’t leave you.

    In Christ,
    Laura

    • It is such a weird experience– such a swirl of emotions and confusion. But you are very right in the fact that God doesn’t leave– He has been with us every step of the way. Praise Jesus!

  15. It does hurt like hell. Yes. Praying for comfort even when you find yourself surprised when long into the future, this still feels fresh.

    • Thank you so much Amy– It already feels like a million years ago, but sometimes it comes right back to smack me in the face. But when those feelings show back up… I am also showered with God’s love. For me, that’s a win.

  16. fullherlife says:

    Thank you for sharing this older March post today sister. I know from personal experience the depth of the pain. Love to you and your man as you continue to open up yourselves to Him fully! Embracing all moments, because He’s covered it all with the precious blood of His son, Jesus. ~ Love, Amy

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